Stop punching yourself in the face…

and some other ideas for dealing with stress.

Recently I’ve been seeing a lot of funny short videos on Instagram where a stressed-out woman considers throwing herself down the stairs/smashing a hammer into arm or leg/setting her car into reverse in the drive so she can jump behind it to knock herself down… All so she can have a few days in hospital and get a break.

These videos, and loads of other content aimed at parents/busy people, are funny because they tap into what a lot of us are thinking and feeling.  And, I’ll admit I did have a few moments during the pandemic where I may have spent more than a few minutes wishing a mild dose of COVID on myself so I didn’t have to leave the house.

But, outside of the entertainment value of these videos for a second – holy crap – what does this say about our lives that we even play with the idea of self-harm in order to catch a break?

 It’s pretty wild when you think about it.

So when does stress stop being funny?

Well, I think it’s worth reminding ourselves that stress in itself isn’t bad. Our stress response is designed to keep us alive. We are supposed to respond to an external stressor such as a threat to life with a fight/flight/freeze/fawn (sympathetic) nervous system response and then move back into a parasympathetic (rest/digest) state once the threat is over.

The problem is when stress becomes chronic and we find ourselves living most of our life in our sympathetic nervous system. Our brains seem to be operating like a faulty alarm system – with every sudden movement setting off a DEFCON 5 style alert. Sweating the small stuff is a trite and glossy phrase that doesn’t really cover the debilitating presentations, but you get the idea.

I’m going to do another blog post on the very different ways it can present – and the nervous system stages behind this (because I find that part fascinating, and it helps us detach from blaming ourselves for everything), but for now – I thought I would share that may help if you’re feeling the heat at the moment.

For today, I’m going to simply share five mindset principles/truths that I share alongside movement and breathwork. Principles that I, and many of my clients have found incredibly useful in shifting some of that mental ‘stickiness’ that can stop us from starting on tackling this in more helpful ways than reaching for the wine, or trying to hang on until your next holiday.

Understanding these principles feels like a good place to start because without them we can find ourselves just going on the merry-go-round of trying to implement tools, failing, giving up, trying again and wondering why nothing sticks.

And, even if you don’t consider yourself particularly stressed – have a read anyway, they work for any time we are looking to make a change in our lives too.

1. Stop punching yourself in the face.

The old saying goes ‘argue for your limitations and they are yours to keep’. I liken it to meeting your arch-opponent in a boxing ring, and instead of aiming your best shot at them – you aim it at yourself. It seems illogical, but it appears more than you’d think in my 1-1 sessions, with people listing all the reasons why something just won’t work for them (even when it’s something they desperately want). One reason why we argue for our limitations is because we think it will somehow protect us from the disappointment of failing.  It doesn’t. Failure is just feedback. The sooner we realise this, the sooner we can re-set and go again.

That inner critic can have a killer right hook. Don’t let them win.

2. Resistance is physics – not who you are.

With any goal/dream/desire to change/move forward there is going to be resistance. It’s the yin to the yang. The shadow opposed to the light. When we understand that resistance is a law of nature, we can see it as part of the process of making some changes. We can stop blaming ourselves for feeling stuck and we can work around, over, under or through it.

3. Little and often wins the race.

If you’re someone with perfectionist tendencies… or you are just used to doing ‘all the things’, then this one is a hard pill to swallow: If we want to go the distance we only want to be moving half a step beyond your current self to begin with. Overwhelm is real and the last thing you need is more on your ‘to-do’ list. Resist the urge to overhaul your entire lifestyle and start small. Before you know it those micro-habits and baby steps will build momentum, and that will have a positive effect on your intrinsic values and beliefs too – it’s a win-win.

4. Connection is not an optional extra.

This may seem like a tool rather than a principle, but it is so important I felt like it needed including here: We are social animals that are intrinsically connected to our environment and each other. It is difficult (some would say impossible) to live vital, fully human lives behind a screen.

If you do nothing else just go outside and walk for 15 minutes without your phone. You might be surprised how different you feel.

5. You don’t fix your roof in the storm. You fix it in the sunshine.

It is an inevitable part of life that we are going to go through stressful periods at some point or other. Having some tools in your toolbox for this is an important step towards resilience. It is infinitely harder to implement changes when you feel you’re at rock-bottom. Don’t put this part off if you’re identifying with any of this.

Here’s what I have in my toolbox (and what I share with my clients):

1. Yoga for holistic wellbeing
2. Breathwork to calm up/calm down
3. Mindset work for emotional resilience
4. Nervous system understanding/awareness
5. Novel movement and exploring the senses.
6. Nature and Connection

There is SO much more I want to say on this, but I’m going to leave it there. I would love to know what you think of these.

And, if you find yourself in need of support, guidance, or a deeper dive into these practices, I’m here to help.

Drop me a message to chat.